Sessions with couples are often peppered with periods of high intensity as they bring conflicts and distress out in the open. These times are emotionally and psychologically challenging for the couple and the therapist potentially triggering defensiveness for all three in the room. The therapist's level of maturity plays a key role, along with clinical knowledge and technique in being able to manage these periods effectively in service of the couple. This paper explores what is required of the therapist in terms of reliability and attunement at times of intensity, and suggests that systemic practitioners have much to gain by leaning more in to the analytic skills of holding and containment to balance the cognitive strengths of systemic practice.