This study examined the effects of relational conflict on sexual motivation. Sixty‐one couples were videotaped while discussing either a major relationship problem or their daily routine. Both partners then completed measures of sexual motives and rated their romantic partner's sexual attractiveness. Results showed that conflict discussion inhibited relationship‐based motives and had an adverse effect on women's perceptions of partner's attractiveness, but a beneficial effect on men's perceptions. Conflict discussion also inhibited self‐serving sexual motives such as having sex to obtain relief from stress among people with avoidant partners, suggesting that people are unlikely to turn to avoidant partners for sexual consolation. Implications for understanding the role of the sexual system in regulating reactions to relationship distressful events are discussed.