Positioned at the heart of psychology’s theory and practice, as well as at the core of the so-called feminist ethic of care, empathy is nevertheless a matter of ambivalence for feminist psychology. This paper describes two symptoms of a failure of advanced Western-style democracies to get empathy right in terms of gender justice: the first is described here as the phenomenon of ‘empathism’; the second as the ‘female empathy tax’. Difference feminists (in psychology and elsewhere) have advocated a politics of recognition directed towards the celebration of the superiority of female and maternal empathy. Intended to enhance women’s status, this is likely to backfire from the point of view of sexual equality unless complemented by a politics of affective redistribution between the sexes. Relinquishing the feminist attachment to the lopsided ‘feminization’ of empathy, in favour of its ‘androgynization’ as a fundamental human capacity, allows for the formulation of a post-patriarchal account of empathy.