This autoethnographic account details the struggles to accept my own identity and same-sex attraction. Due to my need to pass, I moved often. With each move, I found the darkness that I needed to survive for it was only in the darkness that I could explore my desire and simultaneously stay hidden. Coming out of the darkness began an intensely difficult journey. This journey takes the discussion of growing up in a shame culture further into adult life and the effect over time that growing up in such a culture has on life, self-worth, and love.