Traditionally, any physical aggression within intimate relationships has been labeled "domestic violence," even as researchers and advocates continue to disagree about the nature of that phenomenon vis-à-vis gender and control. As part of a larger mixed-methods study, 22 women from a non-agency, community-based sample who reported experience with relationship violence were interviewed. The existence of patterned coercive and controlling behaviors substantially differentiated experiences with violence, suggesting this dynamic is at least as important to identify as physical violence. Although preliminary, the impact of these findings on intervention and prevention strategies and on the debate surrounding gender symmetry is discussed.