Children and adolescents with functional somatic symptoms are challenging to understand and to treat. The challenges begin at the very outset of the intervention – with the neurological and psychiatric assessments. Patients presenting with functional somatic symptoms, as well as their families, frequently deny any emotional or family problem, and parents are often genuinely baffled as to why a child has suddenly become so ill and why no medical explanation is forthcoming. Families can be unwilling to engage in family assessment and therapy, and therapists may find that standard approaches to family therapy simply can end up alienating these families – the door to therapy is slammed shut. This article is the story of my struggle to understand somatising children and their families and to find a common language to enable us to co‐construct formulations, to agree to a treatment plan, and to work together towards a pathway to health. It is also about the role of research and how knowledge from different system levels – and most specifically about the body – may need to be integrated into the therapy to help bring about change.