Aim The objectives of the study were to investigate the lived experience of older people in residential aged care facilities (RACFs) in Australia, to explore their perceptions of their lives in RACFs and how care might be improved. Methods This qualitative study used a phenomenological approach to explore the lived experience of older persons in RACFs across two Australian states. In‐depth interviews regarding independence, dignity, autonomy, communication and relationships were conducted with 18 participants. The interviews were audiotaped, transcribed and thematically analysed. Results Three themes emerged reflecting the reality of RACF life for these participants: (i) loss of autonomy, dignity and control; (ii) valuing important relationships; and (iii) resigned acceptance. Conclusion Older people were not included in decision‐making and found it difficult to maintain their autonomy and dignity, and forge meaningful relationships. They traded their independence and dignity for the safety and assistance they needed; however, they accepted this trade‐off with stoicism and remained positive.