The state is often viewed as part of the impersonal public sphere in opposition to the private family as a locus of warmth and intimacy. In recent years this modernist dichotomy has been challenged by theoretical and institutional trends which have altered the relationship between state and family. This article explores changes to both elements of the dichotomy that challenge this relationship: a more fragmented family structure and more individualised and networked support for children. It will also examine two new elements that further disrupt any clear mapping between state/family and public/private dichotomies: the third-party role of the child in family/state affairs, and children’s application of virtual technology that locates the private within new cultural and social spaces. The article concludes by examining the rise of the ‘individual child’ hitherto hidden within the family/state dichotomy and the implications this has for intergenerational relations at personal and institutional levels.