Greedy Bastards, eager to achieve success in the business world, need helpful advice on steps toward climbing to the top. Drawing on the author’s 35-plus years of experience in teaching MBAs, the present treatise offers tips in the form of a self-help tutorial intended as an inspirational guide. In that spirit, the discussion covers pertinent aspects of business education; impression management (Dre$$ for $ucce$$); tips from travel services; ethics; borderline-legal corruption; unintended benefits such as obesity, traffic, cell phones, and impacts on popular culture – culminating in a Greedy Bastard’s Honor Roll of Civic Achievements.