In the summer of 2015, I lost my relationship (of four years) and then my Grandmother passed away, one after the other. Judith Butler says there is no ready vocabulary to describe the bonds by which one is connected to another, the ties by which we are "differentiated and related." Those ties constitute what we are, they compose us. This is an autoethnographic bricolage that examines those affective bonds that stand revealed when you lose someone. Pain results from their being severed, but as Butler points out, grief is also transformative. I argue that performance (auto)ethnography is perfectly sited to examine these affects because it can evoke that which remains unlanguaged.