Background and context Many countries are giving patients a more active role in health care, on both the individual and collective level. This study focuses on one aspect of the participation agenda on the individual level: self‐management. The study explores self‐management in practice, including the implications of the difficulties encountered. Objective To gain insight into the complexity of self‐management practice. This is crucial for developing both self‐management interventions and the participation policy agenda. Methods Qualitative semi‐structured interviews with experts (n=6) and patients with a chronic condition (n=20). Results In terms of level of involvement and type of activity, shaping self‐management in practice depends on personal and social dynamics, patients’ ideas of the good life and their interactions with care professionals. Clashes can arise when patients and professionals hold differing ideas, based on different values, about the level and type of patient involvement. Discussion The discussion on self‐management should account for the fact that how we define self‐management is very much a normative issue. It depends on the norms and values of patients, professionals and underlying health‐care policies. Differing ideas present professionals with ethical dilemmas which they should reflect on. However, professional reflection alone is not enough to deal with these dilemmas. The participation agenda needs far wider ranging reflection on how participation relates to other values in health care.