This article describes a key finding that emerged from a small‐scale qualitative study that explored parental views of the impact of having a child diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) on family relationships. The term, protective vigilance, describes a strategy used by parents to manage the risk that children can present to themselves and to others with whom they might come in contact, such as their siblings or peers. The term draws attention to the challenges parents face in supervising their children in a manner that others might describe as overprotective or over‐controlling. In this article the parents' voice is heard describing their dilemmas and the article invites professionals working with families, with a child diagnosed with ADHD to consider protective vigilance as an inevitable aspect of the parental role and incorporate this idea into their clinical practice. Practitioner points Explore with parents how concerns for their child's safety might impact on their parenting style Recognize that a child's behaviour shapes and influences parental style in a recursive manner Note that early intervention with a relational focus may improve future outcomes for the child diagnosed with ADHD Adopt a systemic approach based on a ‘both and’ stance to free the practitioner from the polarized discourses that surround the diagnosis of ADHD and help to avoid the dialectics of blame Note that parental aspirations and hopes for a child diagnosed with ADHD may be affected by negative cultural views about the diagnosis Explore practitioners' own prejudices about the diagnosis before they set about helping parents.