This article describes an experiential self of the therapist exercise for use in family therapy training. It provides guidelines for instructors to integrate the activity into their courses including step‐by‐step directions, examples of processing questions, and potential readings to accompany the activity. The Talking About Versus Talking With exercise was designed to help family therapy students have a felt sense of some of the differences between individual and relational therapy. It provides trainers with a way to teach therapists in training about clients’ experiences in relational therapy where they talk about relational difficulties directly with someone, as opposed to talking about those same difficulties in individual therapy. The exercise also offers an opportunity for students to do self of the therapist work with a strained relationship in their personal lives, and students report that it is both rewarding and emotionally intense. Practitioner points Differences between individual and relational therapy may not be easily understood by family therapy students Self of the therapist work, including working with difficult personal relationships, is a vital component of family therapy training The experiential nature of the exercise provides students with a felt sense of some differences between individual and relational therapy