Background The aim of this research was to understand the characteristics that adults with intellectual disabilities look for in a partner. There have been numerous studies that have explored partner selection for people without intellectual disabilities, but no research that specifically identified the traits valued in a partner by people with intellectual disabilities. Method In‐depth interviews were conducted with eleven participants across two UK sites. All participants were adults with an intellectual disability who had been in a relationship with a partner for over a year. The narratives were analysed utilizing hermeneutic phenomenology, guided by the theory of Van Manen (1990). Results The findings highlighted that, regardless of age, participant's relationships typically developed within a segregated environment for people with intellectual disabilities over the past 10 years. People with intellectual disabilities expressed a wish to be loved, to be treated kindly and to have companionship. However, they did not place high value on attributes such as financial security, social status or intelligence. Conclusions The research demonstrated how poorly integrated people with intellectual disabilities are within mainstream society. Desired characteristics and expectations for participant's relationships were rooted in a shared history and culture, which was shaped by their intellectual disability and support needs.