The present study investigated whether partners’ frustration of relational needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness was associated with relationship dissatisfaction and conflict (frequency, topics, communication patterns). Self‐report measures were completed by 230 committed heterosexual couples. APIM and regression analyses revealed that (1) need frustration is associated with how dissatisfied partners are with their relationship, how frequently they initiate conflict, and how they communicate during conflicts, but not with the number of conflict topics; (2) relatedness‐frustration matters most, whereas only limited evidence was found for autonomy‐ and competence‐frustration; (3) both one's own and one's partner's need frustration play a role in dissatisfaction and conflict; and (4) although most of the results were consistent across gender, gender differences were found for how need frustration affects couples’ conflict communication. Therapeutic implications are discussed. Practitioner points Addressing need frustration in couples may help to reduce relationship dissatisfaction, conflict, and destructive conflict communication Therapists should especially focus on relatedness‐frustration of men and women, but also pay attention to their autonomy‐frustration Destructive conflict communication patterns in couples reflect relatedness‐frustration in both men and women and autonomy‐ and competence‐frustration in men. 伴侣为何争吵？运用需求挫折视角看待关系冲突和不满 本研究调查了伴侣对于自主、能力和关系度的关系需求的挫败是否与其关系不满和冲突情况（频率、话题、沟通模式）有关。230对关系稳定的异性恋伴侣完成了自我报告量表。对象互倚性模型和回归分析结果显示（1）需求挫折与伴侣对关系的不满程度、伴侣发起冲突的频率, 以及他们在冲突中如何沟通都有关系, 但与冲突话题的数量无关；（2）关系度有关的挫败感影响最大, 而自主性和能力相关的挫败感影响的证据较少；（3）自身与伴侣的需求挫折都在不满和冲突中起到了作用；以及（4）虽然大多数研究结果不受性别影响, 但是在需求挫折如何影响伴侣的冲突沟通方面, 还是发现一些性别差异。文中讨论了该研究结果的临床治疗意义。 对实务工作者的启示 处理伴侣的需求挫折问题或许会有助于减少关系不满程度、冲突, 以及破坏性的冲突沟通。 治疗师应当尤其注意男性和女性与关系度有关的需求挫折, 但同时也要关注其与自主性相关的需求挫折 伴侣之间破坏性的冲突沟通模式反映了男性和女性的关系度需求挫折, 以及男性的自主性和能力相关需求挫折。 关键词：需求挫折；关系不满；关系冲突